Some thoughts about leaving St Pete soon and going back to school in San Diego, I started thinking about this when I got back from the yoga retreat in Aruba.
When you leave your heart all around the world…
You feel sad whenever leaving a place, but excited all the same for the destination.
You feel a little sad whenever you leave.
You feel an aching for everywhere. An aching for those places that hold a piece of your heart, the people that do. Even for the unfamiliar people and places that you know will take yet another piece.
A lovely realization is that these pieces are not being taken. You are not giving anything away. Your heart remains whole.
It has just been touched, many times. Gently, sometimes with more force. Always with the power of love. feeling.
Knowing that you can never be in all these places at once. Your heart will never be held by all these people at the same time. This is impossible and it can cause you to feel a constant sadness. A longing for loved ones and places that may never be the same as you remember.
The trees in your childhood backyard, they’ve been cut down and the rocky landscape behind your house has been smoothed out. Even if you wanted to you can never go back to those moments that filled you up to the brim.
Those people that have touched your heart. Changed your heart. Made it swell and sometimes quiver, feeling like it doesn’t know what to do with itself. Sending tears up to your eyes. All you knew how to do at the time. There are some people you love so much that you’re certain you will be with them forever. And there are those whom you love even more that you are so so afraid of losing them…
Let that fear go. Let go of the longing for the holding memories of the past, the longing for control of the future.
When your heart quivers, let it shake and stretch with the love of those people and places. Not with fear of losing them. Because, one day, they will be gone. They will be beautiful memories that bring tears to your eyes. Let the tears come but let them come because of love, not of fear. The love you remember is just that, a memory, in the past. Let the love that fills you up be love of the present. Love of the people here with you, gratitude for the experiences that brought you this love, the people that taught you to appreciate the love that is here now.
My heart lives in the green moss carpets of my childhood backyard, in the way the ocean shakes me free of worries and doubt, my heart lives in the eyes and heart of everyone I have ever loved. In anyone who has ever come close enough to touch my heart, whether they knew it or not.
My heart is not only all over the world residing in beautiful people and places but also completely full in my own chest, my own being.
The best moments are those when I can feel my heart in my chest but also in all those people and places around the world. And I know, that it exists everywhere, all at once.